How do I get rid of my freakish nipples?

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How do I get rid of my freakish nipples? They are causing me great stress. and the thread preceding it, MY NIPPLES ARE BLEEDING, are two threads created by user Iago in 2013, July and February respectively.

History

Bleeding Nipples

In the first of the two threads, posted on the 27th of February, 2013,[1] Iago described his situation:

My left nipple been itching for days and now it's spewing blood holy fuck what should I do.


I have no insurence and im broke. Please help mon i'm applying pressure and fuck bloodds all over my screen.

EDIT- It stopped bleeding, what should I do.

—Iago; 27th of February, 2013

Freakish Nipples

In the second of the two threads, posted on the 13th of July, 2013,[2] Iago explained himself, posting a picture of a man with very large, irregular nipples, claiming they were his own;
Iago's Nipples
I always kept a shirt on during sex. I havent went to a pool since 8th grade. In high school I never showered at PE due to being scared of making fun of by students.

"why dont you take off your shirt Iago?" Is what I've been hearing for the past 5 nights.
I'm not even fat, im 140 pounds at 6"1. I even asked /fit/ for some help hours ago.

Now word has spread that im hiding something underneath my shirt in my town. Now they starting to make some dumb contants to unshirt. I need to get rid of these sausage tits before my secret is revealed and all my friends will mock me and my pussygame will be finished.

I'm desperate right now, do any of you guys have any ideas?

—Iago; 13th of July, 2013

Reaction and Fallout

In both threads, the general response was a mix of repulsion and people stating the obvious in that he should go to the doctor, with some creating Photoshops and MS Paint jobs mocking him in the latter thread. According to Iago within the thread, several strangers had used the metadata in the picture to geotag him, resulting in said strangers harassing him in real life about his nipples.

Iago's posts over the following weeks were met with jokes about his nipples. Iago eventually got permabanned in the thread "4Chan catches pizza shop owner masturbating via unsecure security cam; Denies it, lulz ensue" for the reason "I had enough of you being AWFUL" by Craptasket.[3] Iago was generally a shit poster and only remembered for his nipple threads.

Sometime around January of 2014, this thread was deleted by Craptasket.

References

  1. General Discussion - MY NIPPLES ARE BLEEDING: https://facepunch.com/threads/1250371
  2. General Discussion - How do I get rid of my freakish nipples? They are causing me great stress. [deleted]: https://facepunch.com/threads/1288936
  3. Sensationalist Headlines/Polidicks - "4Chan catches pizza shop owner masturbating via unsecure security cam; Denies it, lulz ensue" (post #40): https://facepunch.com/threads/1290963?p=41511497#post41511497